The Umbrella Massacre

It all happened in my head, I went on a spree of smashing people in the face with my umbrella. Not nearly so satisfying as the real thing but I dont intend to go to jail for assult. I had a desperate urge to hit people, I wanted to know what it sounded like. I wanted to know what damage it would do, with that little metal button at the end.
On a lighter and less menacing note, I'm knitting a scarf! Red.